Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:Be yourself. When I first started speaking, an “esteemed” colleague told me that I’d “never make it in this business with that NY accent.” The pathetic part is that I thought he knew better than I did. I trusted his judgment better than I trusted my own. For weeks, I tried sounding like someone else. My audiences hated me. I hated me. I dropped the ruse and decided all I could be was me. And that turned out to be exactly what connected with my audiences.
Be your best self. You have annoying mannerisms. Get rid of them. I was lucky to be videotaped in a college class as part of my curriculum to be an English teacher. My required presentation was 3 minutes long. I thought I did great. I thought I flowed. I thought I was downright eloquent. In fact, had you asked me what I was going to do about my annoying habit, I innocently would have asked what annoying habit? Until I watched the videotape. OMG. Forty-three times in 3 minutes I used the word, okay. I used it to replace periods, commas, to segueway to my next point, to fill in space. I used it for everything! But, please pay attention here: I didn’t know I did this. Clueless.
Now before you think I was just stupid, please video tape yourself. I’m not stupid but I was blind.
Ask someone you love and/or respect what your most annoying speech habit is. They’ll be relieved you asked. Maybe you say “you know” about a million times in each sentence, maybe your voice goes up at the end of every sentence making it sound more like a question than a statement, maybe you ramble or mumble or talk about yourself so much that if you use the word me one more time, it will sound like an opera (me, me, me, me!). Do you play with your hair, or your glasses, or scratch your elbow? In one workshop with bank execs, I had one guy who repeatedly and roughly tugged on his belt buckle. I was sure he was going to injure himself permanently. (You should have seen his face when he and I watched his video! Made me and okay look like a piece of pie.)
Everyone has something. Maybe it’s just distracting. But if you haven’t asked someone for the truth, or watched a video so you can see for yourself, you may have something worse than distracting; it could be something annoying, cloying, revolting. Bring your best self to your platform.
What lessons have you learned along the way?
Sue, back when I was a theater major in college, a professor told me I could never be a successful actor because of my lisp. Even though I chose not to pursue a career in theater, I discovered that there are many working actors and famous people who have lisps and they are doing just fine! (Here’s a blog post I wrote about it: http://tinyurl.com/4yh2za)
And my lisp has never hurt my speaking or coaching career either.
As for bad habits — every time I get rid of one, I develop another. I guess it’s human nature. I’m dreading watching the video of my tv appearance the other night, because I have a feeling my new “so, yeah” features prominently.
Sue,
Thanks for relating the story.
Shedding verbal filler can be quite difficult, but will tremendously improve public speaking.
By verbal filler, I refer to words and sounds such as uh, um, so, like, you know, basically, okay, etc. These sorts of fillers make the presenter seem less articulate and less sure of themselves and their message.
Here are some techniques that you can use to shed the use of verbal filler.
1. Record yourself practicing a presentation, watch it, and count your verbal fillers. It’s painful but can fuel your determination to shed the fillers.
2. Enlist the help of those around you – your partner / spouse, friends, co-workers, family, etc. Empower them to repeat your fillers whenever they hear you using it. That can also be painful and embarrassing – even more fuel for your determination.
3. Listen for your use of verbal filler at ALL times – presenting, in conversation, on the phone, with friends, etc.
4. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make a mental note and remind yourself that you want to change your speech pattern.
5. Use pause instead. Focus on the behavior you want. Grow comfortable with silence. Learn to enjoy it.
6. Be willing to pause even in the middle of sentences as you struggle to think of the word that you want.
7. It’s said that you can change any behavior if you focus on it for 21 days. Put “I will use pause not filler” on your to-do list for 21 consecutive days.
8. Don’t give up! As American writer and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
And naturally, videotaping yourself is an excellent idea as well.
Thanks again
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