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Posts Tagged ‘Communication Skills’
It’s been a busy week working with three different and distinct organizations and yet all three had the same question: How do we get along internally so we can present our best and most meaningful “face” externally. Interesting question.
Here’s the answer: Hold folks accountable for getting along. Really. Give them the communication skills they need to say what they need to say. Teach them how to hold important conversations. Help them understand that a confrontation when approached in a respectful and solution-oriented manner, by another name, is simply good conversation. Explain to them that ignoring and working around others (and feeling resentful or martyr-like) not only hurts morale, it hurts productivity and profitability. Provide alternatives to people who say stuff like: That’s just the way I am; My style is to be direct; I can’t “confront” them.
With a masters degree in counseling, I can give your team a communication process so that you aren’t bothered with day-to-day stuff that keeps them from performing. They’ll laugh, you’ll breathe and yes, you’ll all get along better. Want more? Please call or email: Sue@SpeakerSue.com or 480-575-9711.
The alternative? Pretending that poor morale isn’t affecting profitability and your sanity.
A few weeks ago, I had the honor of speaking to a group of printers. As you can imagine, this is not a particularly booming industry right now with the entire world focused on being green, and communicating in ways that don’t require paper. (Just so you know, printer’s ink runs in my blood. My grandfather was an “itinerant” printer [I don't know exactly what that means either other than that he went where he could find work] until he could afford to start his own printing company in 1918. My daddy bought the business from my grandfather, my brother took over my dad’s business and my nephews now work for my brother. But ink can run even in a woman’s veins…) So this particular meeting was especially important to me (yes, they all are and this one was well, different). I admit I spent even more time than usual researching, asking questions, thinking and learning about what I could bring to this group that would motivate them to transform their business models to succeed and flourish…
I focused on communication skills and how using effective interpersonal skills can help you (and help you help those you manage and lead) successfully deal with change (because goodness knows, printers need to change from ink on paper to providing their customers with an entire package of promotional materials, including web-based [non print!] campaigns.) My keynote talked a lot about helping others feel safe and smart. And the industry professionals who spoke truly provided hope and direction to those who attended.
In no way, however, was I prepared to receive this email, after the conference, from Matt Feldman, brand owner of Xtreme Coated Cover? in NJ. He wrote:
” To my new friends,
It’s been a long and tough year for all of us. Many of us have had to face challenges that we never dreamed we would face. I know as 2009 rapidly comes to a close I can say that I am thankful for a great many things. First and foremost I am grateful to my friends and family who have stuck by me. Next I am thankful for meeting you. In meeting you, I have had the opportunity to learn something new or validate something I have learned in the past.
I have learned how to listen better to others during this past year. Previously, I was the type of guy who liked to hear myself talk. Truth be told, I am still a work-in-process on that point, but my 7th grade math teacher would always say to me, “Mr. Feldman, God gave you two ears and one mouth, use them in proportion.” I think this year it might finally have sunk in!
I want to leave you with a quick story. Last night I received a phone call from my wife and she was very upset with my two oldest kids. She explained to me that the kids had given our babysitter a very hard time while we were at work. When I arrived home, I asked my son to join me in his room for a “chat”. While walking upstairs I looked into my son’s eyes and I saw the fear mounting as we climbed each step. He knows that I am a big believer in respect and he knew he was “in for it”. Keeping myself poised and in control of my emotions was tough at the moment, but I knew that I needed to impart a valuable lesson to my kids. I said to Noah, “Please tell me everything that happened today with you and the babysitter, and don’t leave anything out intentionally because I will check up on you.” As he started telling me his story in detail I realized how thankful I was to be in that moment. My child, who could have broken down in tears for fear of being punished or could have lied to me to try to avoid punishment, looked me in the eye and gave me the whole truth. Once he was finished I asked him one simple question, “What could you have done better?” He replied, “Treated Norma with respect.” Once I heard him say those words I knew he understood the lesson.”
“What could you have done better?”
What will you do better?
Thank you for the lesson, Matt.
“The question used to be, ‘Is it appropriate to send holiday wishes with an email?’” says Sue Hershkowitz-Coore, sales trainer and author of How to Say It To Sell It. “With the economy the way it is, and the need to build stronger relationships more important than ever, now it’s, ‘What can I say that will make a difference?’”
Be meaningful — from their viewpoint
Hershkowitz-Coore says the most important thing to remember is to make the message meaningful to the other person. Sending a generic email saying “Wishing you a happy holiday from all of us at fill-in-the-blank” can actually backfire. She says, “Customers know this non-personal message has been copied to everyone in your database. It’s like mailing a pre-printed card that no human hand — or pen — ever touched. Meaningless!”
How exactly do you make it meaningful? Hershkowitz-Coore suggests you select something from the relationship that you can mention and make it “professionally personal.” The goal is to make the other person feel good about themselves and your relationship. “Mention how they’ve helped you or what they’ve supported about your product or idea. Talk about something they’ve accomplished that you’re sincerely proud of them for, something you accomplished together that made an impact on their company, something that touches them and reminds them that you have a successful relationship.”
No business
“Whatever you do, don’t be tempted to ask for future business in your holiday greeting,” says Hershkowitz-Coore. It’s in poor taste to pretend you’re sending a thank you when in fact, you’re creating a sales piece. The closest you can come is to say, ‘Looking forward to our paths crossing again soon,’” she says.
Sound like yourself
It’s easy to get caught up in the hype of the holiday and start “waxing philosophical” says Hershkowitz-Coore. Make your message heartfelt, conversational and concise. Don’t copy a message someone else wrote. If your company style is edgy, use that edginess in your holiday greeting too. There is no rule that says you have to be serious, she says.
Don’t sip and send
If you haven’t yet started making your email holiday list and checking it twice, don’t start it after a few glasses of egg nog. Drinking and sending email don’t ever work well together and at holiday time with its party atmosphere, that can be easy to forget. “So many of us become friends with our customers and after a few drinks, it’s easy to forget that they aren’t our best friends forever.” It’s much smarter to avoid getting carried away with your sentiments, and think of your email holiday writing just as you would any other business project.
Be political
Whether you choose Happy Holiday, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah or Happy Kwanza, you’re likely to offend someone. The smartest choice is the one that is most political and that is, Happy Holidays, according to Hershkowitz-Coore. Be cautious of including motivational quotes that might be offensive too.
“Keeping church (temple and mosque) separate from business is good business, even in a holiday message,” she says. Religious messages should be kept for family and friends outside of work.
Consider another holiday
If you don’t like these guidelines, send your message during another time of the year. December may be the typical time to send holiday greetings and that is exactly why Hershkowitz-Coore says it may not be the best time. “Your customers aren’t likely to be sitting at their desks checking off which of their vendors and suppliers sent cards. To stand out, send a meaningful New Year’s greeting, a Happy February note, or even a Valentine’s message. Sending an authentic message full of gratefulness and good wishes is perfect anytime of the year.”
Flying Southwest Airlines, if not always as much fun as they’d like us to believe, is always interesting. This last trip didn’t let me down.
By the time group C started boarding, the overhead bins were full. You can imagine if you schlep your bag all the way to the back, looking for a seat and overhead space, and then because there is no space, you have to bring the bag forward (excuse me, excuse me), boarding takes longer, gets more confusing, and is in general, not fun at all.
The flight attendant makes an announcement: Ladies and Gentlemen, a wallet was found in the gate area. The plane becomes quiet. If you would please check to ensure you have your wallet, pause… (folks start feeling themselves). Now that we have your attention, she says, no wallet has been found. But there is absolutely no more room for luggage and we need you to stop right where you are…
Not only did laugh but we did what we were told. She captured our attention by appealing to our interests before she told us what she wanted.
I love that!
Doesn’t this apply to email, presentations and child-rearing?! Not the lie part. The part that focused on compelling the other person to pay attention because what you’re saying is compelling to that other person. Salesmanship at its finest. Common sense at its best.
By the way, where is your wallet?
This post is about email etiquette, how a thank you can blow up, and what to do about it.
A few days ago I did a favor – a 15 minute telephone interview for a colleague in the multi-level marketing business. Everyone is just trying to make a living these days, and I felt that if I can help her out by providing a couple of solid selling and motivation tips, I was happy to offer my time. She made it clear there was no budget but I’d be exposed to 20,000+ sales folks and she’d mention my stuff. The proverbial “win-win.”
At the end of the call, she asked me to email my street address to her. I knew that meant a token of appreciation would arrive and though totally unnecessary, I gladly gave her my address.
The box arrived this morning – a large box – and I was excited to open it to see what she sent. Inside was a yummy terry cloth robe and probably $250 or more worth of Spa type products. I was delighted, and felt quite appreciated until…
I noticed the packing slip.
Stapled to the slip was a copy of the email I had sent to her with my address:
(Thanks so much for the opportunity to talk to your <MLM> family. Here is my address…)
and the email she sent to the person in charge of shipping that said:
I need to send a thank you for an interview. How about a robe and that Spa line that we have excess of????? Or just send whatever you think… I don’t pay these folks and she normally charges so a little gift from us will be appreciated. It doesn’t have to be huge…
Ouch.
So, what do you think? Should I tell her I received her email so:
-she doesn’t ever write one like that again
-she speaks to her shipping person
-no one else feels un-thanked
Or should I just let her continue to embarrass herself?
Your comments please. What would you do?
If there isn’t too much on your plate, you’re probably unemployed. Or maybe self-employed. Whatever.
When you’re asked to do stuff that you can’t manage well, when you’re asked to complete tasks that as much as you might want to, you just don’t have the time to do, when you’re asked to do something that you just don’t want to do, how you say no is critical.
So here it goes: Appreciate the request. Be transparent. Offer possible solutions. Confirm the other person understands.
I am truly honored you trust me enough to do that. I wish I had time to do it for you. (Is there anything I can move off my plate or is there anything you’ve assigned me that isn’t also a priority?) What I can do is….. and unless I’m missing something, that is the best option. (Am I missing anything?) Is this what you’d like me to do?/Will this work?/What other options do you see?/Here are the other options I see… So, thank you. Then, this is what we’ll do…. right? Ok. Great. Thank you.
What would you do? How would you handle this? Does this seem plausible to you? Please comment below.
My great grandmother, I’m told, used to say, There is nothing new under the sun. And though a bit of a generalization, when it comes to interpersonal skills, it’s pretty much true. Do unto others as they would like to be done onto. The rest, as they say, is commentary.
Yet, because many of us think this guideline doesn’t really really apply to us, we treat people the way we think they should be treated. Which as it turns out, isn’t nearly as well as we think we should be treated.
And even when we are convinced the guideline should apply, often we haven’t been taught how to apply it, just that we should. (“Play nice” doesn’t teach us how to do so.)
Client after client tells me the biggest productivity challenge is a lack of clear, respectful communication among colleagues and between departments.
Start here: The next time someone with whom you don’t have a good relationship says something really annoying (or worse), step back for a moment. Ask yourself: why would a normal, decent person say that? (Yes, I know. Because they’re neither normal nor decent. No! Let it go!!) Usually it’s because they’re missing information or they have information you don’t. Choose to take the high road (my great grandmother would’ve said, you be the grown up) and respectfully say something like: It sounds like you have more information about this than I do. Can you help me to better understand?
Then, listen. It really isn’t difficult. You just need to know how.
Are communication challenges your biggest productivity waster?
Which tactic do you use more often when you deal with negative and nasty people?
Do you:
Confront them
Avoid them
Attack them
Vent with your friends
Ignore it (again)
Please comment below!
Here comes a blatant pitch for my services: If you deal with people who are negative and nasty, you won’t win by avoiding, ignoring or attacking them. Because you’re trying to “play by the rules” you’ll only become more stressed and less productive. Learn how you can have a professional, meaningful conversation even with the person who drives you nuts. (This does not include your mother, your former best friend or your ex-life partner. It does include all co-workers, bosses and customers.) Your entire office will thank you for scheduling Communicating When Strangling Isn’t an Option.
We stopped at the “7/11″ store on the dirt road here in Hainan Island, China and they’ve added entertainment: a trained bird. It’s a tiny little bird and when you wave your index and middle finger just so, it flys to you. So one of the guys with us says to the young Chinese woman showing us the bird… well, no, he doesn’t just say it, he pantomines it, slowly and loudly acting out his question: WHAT…. DO…. YOU (pointing at her)…. FEED (making hand motions close to his mouth)…THE… BIRD (pointing to the bird)…TO EAT (imaginary chewing). Quietly she says, Rice.
I’ll give him this. I never thought she spoke English either. But it got me thinking about some other stuff we assume about people.
We assume because we speak the same language, they understand us. We assume because they seem different, they are. We assume that because they seem happy with their current supplier, situation, supply, they are. We assume our price is going to be too high. We assume they want something we can’t offer and at less than we could. We assume they have more information than they have. We assume we have all the information we need. We assume they won’t change. We assume they know what we want even when we don’t ask.
We all know the “definition” of assume. Ass-u-me. That’s what it makes out of u and me.
My communication basic for today is to stop assuming. And to start asking.
What about you?
The meeting planner broke down crying and, as I tried to disappear from the lobby without her seeing that I was seeing, all I could hear her say was: “Of course I planned for this.” Her boss answered, “Well, it’s not the first thing you’ve forgotten.” She started crying so hard that couldn’t even speak. All this in the lobby of the hotel.
Where did the conversation go wrong? Where they usually do. Instead of stepping back, the accused person held her ground and defended herself.
The meeting planner mishandled the communication.
Okay, of course, I see that her boss was a brute. But that doesn’t matter. She could have chosen a different path that would have given her a different and better response. She could have managed him and the conversation by stepping back, instead of defending herself. Had she helped the other person (in this case, her rude boss) feel safe and smart, she would have been more likely to help him see that she did what he asked. As it was, as soon as she became defensive, he lashed out again. And by then it was too late for her to regain her footing…
Whether he deserved her respect is beside the point. She could have maintained her dignity, and she would have had no reason to cry (never good to cry in business). What if when he initially accused her of whatever (unknown to me), she had responded without defensiveness? What if she had said, “Thank you, I appreciate the reminder. I had arranged for it to be in Salon A. Is that okay?”
Even if he had counter-punched with “No, it needs to be in Salon B,” she still could have maintained her professionalism. “Okay. I didn’t realize that. I’ll have it moved now.” Step back. Help the other person feel safe and smart and you win.
What would happen if instead of lowering ourselves to the other person’s level, we raised him or her to ours? Don’t get sucked in by another’s negativity or emotional outburst. It doesn’t matter if it’s an email, a conference call or a F2F meeting. Manage your conversations – every conversation – by stepping back and taking care to help the other person look good. The better they feel about themselves, the more likely they’ll be to give you the result you want.
Can you see application to both personal and professional relationships?
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