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Did you find the 17 delete-worthy errors in the sales email from ABC Exhibits in Tuesday’s post?

Here is a list of what-not-to-do-ever:

#1. Make the subject line about the writer, not the reader. It isn’t accurate or authentic because the email is not about ABC Exhibits but about seeking approval for ABC exhibits to market to the reader. This should have been #1a and b.

#2. Use the wrong profession. I am not an “Exhibiting Professional.” Delete.

#3. Use outdated salutations: “Dear” should be used only by conservative, luxury brands who want an elegant, old-world and stately image projected to their recipients. Or, if you’re sending mail through the mail system not through email.

#4. Start off with “duh” stuff: “Everyday exciting and important information is being communicated via email.” Really? OMG what a newsflash. Delete.

#5. Use meaningless phrases: “In the future” You can’t worry about the past. It’s always in the future.

#6. Be self-centered: “We would like to communicate with you via email” is about what the writer wants to do. Most readers don’t have the time to care about what you would like to do. Delete.

#7. Be inauthentic: “…And send you useful and “Up to Date” information on current exhibit industry concerns, training opportunities, exhibit marketing “best practices” including new products and services …” Why should I believe that you’ll send me useful anything? So far you haven’t. Delete.

#8.Create fake but important sounding terms: “… that Internet business users like …” What exactly is an Internet business user? Delete.

#9. Use incorrect grammar: “….yourself” is a reflexive pronoun and can only be used when the word “you” precedes it in the statement.

#10. Ditto: “…Would have interest in.” Ending a sentence with a preposition is acceptable when it’s the least awkward among choices. “Would have interest” would have been better and smarter way to end the statement.

#11. Hide the point of the email: “We are seeking your permission for the privilege to serve you efficiently and electronically via email” was the purpose for writing. It should have appeared sooner. Like in the first sentence.

#12. Be awkward: ” Electronically”?

#13. Use Latin/outdated/weird words: “…via”? Mama Mia. Use English!

#14. Be slimy: “If you do not wish to have us contact you via email, please click on the link below and your email address will be deleted from our distribution list. Or, you can reply to this message with REMOVE in the subject line.” Let me get this straight. If we do NOT respond, we will continue to receive these awful sales messages. So, you want me to clean up your rotten mailing list? REMOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#15. Be patronizing: “Thank you for your time and consideration” … must you? When you write an email that is concise and respectful, there is no need for this type of ending.

#16. Pretend you’re writing to your 8th grade teacher and closing wit:h “Sincerely.” Use a close that lets us know you’ve at least entered this decade, perhaps: All the best, Warmest regards or something thoughtful.

#17. Lie: “Your friends at ABC Exhibits” Wrong! We are not friends. Inauthentic and just wrong.

Your comments, please!

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