“Remove me from your email list.”
That was the response received by the writer of this email.
“Hey Name, how is 2020’s sequel treating you so far?
My name is Spaniel and I recently joined a team of event industry experts at www.eventindustry.com. You are an expert yourself, so before I tell you all the ways you could benefit from our services; I would appreciate learning from you and your opinion, on how the industry has handled the last 12 months and what you think, in your experience, is the future of meetings & events.
Poodle, your time is precious and the hours short; I will reach out next Tuesday in hopes of connecting over the phone unless another day/time works best for you.
Stay safe and sane, Name”
Feeling warm and fuzzy?
The problem (one of the problems!) is the words don’t attract the reader; it is an unattractive email!
Consider this:
•Raise your hand if you want a “sequel” to last year! Stop the drama!
•“Hey” is for horses (did you mother tell you that too?) or at least for associates with whom you already have a casual relationship.
•Does any of it feel sincere? <You’re an an expert yourself> Smart to try to make the prospect feel smart but false flattery is so unattractive!
•Does the seller really want to know what the prospect thinks about the future of the industry or much else?
•”Stay safe and sane”? Oy! A more positive close, please!!
How much of this email would you have read before hitting delete?
Let your words hug your reader, not be unattractive to them.
BONUS
Writing brain-friendly messaging puts the other person at ease and helps them feel safe and smart moving forward.
If you’d like to see how I revised that email, please ask for it in the comment section below.
Looking for practical, specific ideas to position your team for success when recovery comes? Sue provides engaging, fully customized virtual training that will energize your team – and their sales results.
To learn more about virtual training possibilities custom fit to your needs, please email Sue@SpeakerSue.com or call (+1-480-575-9711). Your team will thank you for giving them the tools they need now.
PS. What comments, ideas or stories do you have to add to today’s post? You can do me a huge favor by adding your insights and comments, or forwarding the post. Thanks for your help!
Power Sales Writing