Bill, my husband, and I are going on a cool vacation soon. We are going camping with the best gear from Survival Cooking. I was so excited about the opportunity but what a buzz kill it was today when I received this email:

Dear Mrs. Hershkowitz-Coore,
Thank you for sending us your final payment for your upcoming trip to Area with X Sponsor. Attached please find your receipt of payment.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Yes. It confirms final payment but this is a dream vacation that is being treated like a transaction.

Your job is to ensure excitement, anticipation, fun… not to be simply a bookkeeper.

The problem is the writer thought her job was something different.

Regardless of how perfectly written your message or what you’re selling, is not ever just about the transaction.

It’s about the experience. The feeling. The care.

Use every interaction to authentically and respectfully excite, delight and encourage.


Compare this to the original response:

Hi Sue,
Congratulations on choosing to visit Area with X sponsor! You’ve made an excellent decision and you can count on enjoying a sophisticated, like-minded group as you discover the charms of Area.

Your final payment has been received and your next step is packing (we’ll send suggestions) and fully enjoying yourselves.

Enjoy this special trip! You’ll have much to share with friends and so many memories you’ll be talking about this trip and program long after you return home.

Difference noted, right?!

For information on a customized email sales writing workshop for your group, please email or complete our quick Interest form to check Sue’s availability. Count on boosting productivity, professionalism and profits!

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